Chapter Three - "Be Still, My Heart"
With
"baby's heart beat dangerously low .. dangerously low" running through my head, I desperately prayed for the safety of my loved ones. Our baby was in danger! My daughter-in-law, too, and my assignments were plain: find her parents and pray!
"Run, run!" I hurried up and down the winding hallways until I found them, and it was a mutual joy to see each other at last. Hugs, words, and hand motions filled the empty air as anticipation and worry hung all around us. We mothers talked back & forth as women naturally do, while the maternal grandfather translated Vietnamese words into English, and English words into Vietnamese. Tears and facial expressions were totally understood, and sighs of angst needed no explanation. We were there for our kids, and we were there for each other. No translator was necessary to express the clash of joy and fear we all felt. That was a given.
We talked, translated, "hand gestured", laughed, cried, sat still, paced the floor, prayed, sighed... then repeated it all over again and again until... at long last, at 1:30 a.m. December 2, 2010... the closed hospital room door burst open! In came a caravan of feet: all covered with blue booties. Heads and faces wore the disposable caps and masks, and arms of blue pushed the hospital bed back into place. I tried my best to find my son in the parade of scrubs, but my eyes were fixed on the beautiful vision that lay before me on a cloud of white.
Never had I seen my daughter-in-law look lovelier. A sense of calm and peace surrounded her giving no hint to the trauma her body had just experienced. She glowed with beauty and grace as she lovingly cradled her new born child. Never had I seen so clearly through tear-soaked eyes. And, of course, never had I seen my very own grandchild. But, there she was... finally... she was born! She was here. And she was exquisite!!! Tiny at 5 pounds, 15.5 ounces, her little lungs worked on their own, and her steady little heart had already melted all the big hearts in that room.
As I tried to memorize the moment, my eyes lifted and amidst all the patches of blue masks, I found those eyes I've known and loved for over thirty-three years. So tender, so puffy, so sweet. The new daddy, my courageous son, stood proud and strong! Like a soldier on guard, he commanded the room. No one could tell that his knees shook. No one could tell that his heart trembled. No one knew how close he came to passing out during the emergency C-section. No one, but me his Mama... and, well... the surgical team.
Relief and joy must be side by side on the emotional scale, because when there is doubt that joy will occur, and it finally does... the joy is magnificient! It explodes upon arrival! And, I'd say that the emotional Richter scale in that hospital wing was so high it reached clear into heaven. I felt that heaven and earth connected, once again the very same night, and the proof was our little baby girl, Evelien Claire Hodges. As I touched my cheek to her soft, warm, tiny face, my soul better understood the miracle that I held. The lyrics of the song that I had sung just hours earlier came alive as never before: *
"And when you kiss your little baby... you've kissed the face of God..." What an incredible feeling!
Just like I said at the beginning of my story, it was a star-studded night. It was a glorious night, a glorious sight to see my kids shine like the stars! My children, our children, became what we once became. And we became what our parents had once become. The awe of the miracle of life filled my soul, and I will never, never be the same. I am now Grandmother, yet I am still me. I don't know how to put the two together, but I will do my darndest to be a good Grandmother. Friends tell me that it comes naturally. But, I don't know. I've never been a grandmother, and I am walking into the realms of the unknown. It's times like this that it would be nice to have a friend, a girlfriend. Someone to talk to and someone to hold my hand and tell me "do this... go this way... go that way, say this, be smart... don't say that". You know, a buddy... we all need one, especially me.
So, I will be calling upon my mother, "Nanny", who offers wisdom and love: my cherished friend so dear to my heart who fought tenaciously for over a year to still be alive, and who now says it was all worth it just to see our new little life. I will also call upon my friends, and I will gladly welcome their advice, which they freely will offer. But, you know... there is someone else... someone to walk with me me... someone else to hold my hand. Oh, joy... be still my heart... rejoice my soul! The hand I hold is so tiny. It's so soft, and it is so beautiful. It's a girl! And her name is... Baby Evelien!!!
Halleluja! Hosannas! And hugs! Here I go into this new phase of my life, holding hands with my established friends and with my new little friend, and wondering,
"at what point will the grown up act more like the child?" Hmmmmmm..... I think that's already happened. Yes, I have turned into a silly old Grandma, one with rhinestone bling!
Guess you better, "Look out world!" Here I come with my marching orders and my Grandma boots on. Dolls and dishes, are packed in my back pack, and lots of pink fluffly things are in my purse. Tissues & wet wipes, diapers & bibs, phone numbers, and a direct line to heaven that's available all the time: they're all a part of my entourage, and it feels so good! I am blessed to be a Grandma, blessed to have been a part of this thrilling adventure, and I am so blessed to be at this stage of my life.
Guess you can call me "Blessed among women". Or you can call me Cindy. You can call me Cindy Lou, or you can call me Grammy. But, as they say... just don't call me when I'm babysitting. I'll be too busy to answer!
Sincerely,
Me, still me, whoever that is.
Evelien & Grammy, first embrace...
p.s. #1 Remember the pink cakes from Chapter One? Well, the extra pink cake was the perfect way to celebrate the arrival of our baby girl! We all enjoyed the pink, fluffly, strawberry cake decorated with all the foofoo on top. It was Evelien's very first birthday cake! Who would have thought she would come so early? Isn't it amazing that I made an extra cake? Isn't it great that I made pink cakes? Ahhhh... sweet times!
p.s. #2 You may wonder where my husband was during this memorable night. Well, he was in Oklahoma with my mother, caring for her. What a great guy! I kept him and "Nanny" informed all evening via text messages and phone calls. He loaded up all of Nanny's things the very next morning, and with a fully-packed van, they hurried down to Texas to meet our new baby girl. Ahhhh... the family was all together! Sweet, sweet times, indeed!
p.s. #3 Thank you, God! Thank you.
*"Mary, Did You Know?"... song lyrics by Gary Lowry
@Copyright 2010, Cindy Lou Hodges All Rights Reserved.
