Blue. Everything in the room seemed blue: the wall color, the color of the light bulbs, the chairs, the nurses outfits, my husband's hospital gown, even the dirty linen hamper. "That's good. Blue is his favorite color. It's a calming color. Hope it works." If the color had soothed him, I couldn't tell. He seemed agitated and... well, verbal! Richard was verbal, very, very much so. What HAD they done to him???
His tone of voice was different. By that I mean that he didn't sound gentle and calm, his normal demeanor. He was rather hostile! This man whom I had been with for nearly forty years, and had seen angry only once in my life, now had an attitude that was shaking the walls! Hostility and irritability were behind his every statement: not at all like my easy going Richard. The nurses refused to let it bother them. They just kept on working and let it roll off their backs... their navy blue backs.
Ahh, but he was alive: changed, maybe... but alive! He did welcome me, and let me kiss him. His cheek felt warm and damp. My tears blended with his whiskers, and our words of love spoken to each other softened the attitude in his room. The blue lights didn't seem so cold now. Hugging him was awkward: too many hoses, tubes, and wires, but I did manage to do a head snuggle with him, and the earthy fragrance of my man confirmed that I was "home": another journey behind me.
The nurses updated me and answered my questions, but no one could make me understand why Richard had not told me or our son about his chest pain. No one could explain why he drove himself to the hospital rather than call 911 for assistance, and no one could explain why he insisted to keep me uninformed about his admittance into the hospital... no one, and no one understood the anger and hurt that welled up inside me. It wasn't about me, or it should not have been, but I felt like a dagger had been jabbed into my heart. There we were, the two of us: both with wounded hearts, but only one of us was being treated.
"Looks like you dodged the bullet this time," nodded his cardiologist. "You are a very fortunate man. Two weeks of nothing but taking it easy. Come to my office in four weeks for your echo cardiogram and follow-up appointment, and in the meantime we'll get you started on the cardio rehab program here at the hospital. Take your meds and adjust your diet: beef just once a week and lower your sodium intake. Stay away from the fast food restaurants. If you have any any chest pains, take one nitroglycerin tablet. If after five minutes you still have chest pains, take another nitroglycerin pill. Then if your chest pain continues, call 911." I elbowed, uh, poked, Richard. "If you have any other problems whatsoever, call me."
Well, we made it through our hospital stay, and Richard did simmer down, eventually. Me, too... it just has taken me longer. It is now six weeks since the attack, and we are much older, and we are wiser. The past is behind us, but always with us. The future is a big question mark, and the present is here, but only for a moment. So, while I have the opportunity, I thank God that Richard is still with us, and that he is as healthy as he is. I thank God for the medical personnel that took care of him and saved his life, and I thank God for the friends & family that helped us make it through this frightening time. They say to pick yourself up and keep going, but this was one time where neither one of us was able to do it on our own. Praise be to God for His provision and for keeping us safe, and me... sane.
Well, I guess that is debatable. Like I told Richard, my wonderful, stubborn, hard-headed, hard to understand martian, who I love dearly... "I'm gonna' get you well, and then for not telling me you were sick... I'm gonna' kill you !!!!!" Yes, survived another crisis... now older, fatter (I'm a stress eater.), and just worn-out, but considering painting something blue. They say it has a calming effect.
So, here I sit writing my story. The rest of the time I'm sincerely trying to be a good wife and nurse. Neither one is easy, but I'm grateful to have the chance to try.
Sincerely,
Cindy Lou
Typical heart attack symptoms:
Chest discomfort or pain
Upper body pain
Stomach pain
Shortness of breath
Anxiety
Lightheadedness
Sweating
Nausea and vomiting
Heart attack symptoms vary widely. For instance, you may have only minor chest pain while someone else has excruciating pain.
One thing applies to everyone, though: If you suspect you’re having a heart attack, call for emergency medical help immediately! Don’t waste time trying to diagnose heart attack symptoms yourself.
Additional heart attack symptoms in women:
Women may have all, none, many or a few of the typical heart attack symptoms. For women, the most common heart attack symptom is still some type of pain, pressure or discomfort in the chest. But women are more likely than are men to also have heart attack symptoms without chest pain, such as:
Neck, jaw, shoulder, upper back or abdominal discomfort
Shortness of breath
Nausea or vomiting
Abdominal pain or “heartburn”
Sweating
Lightheadedness or dizziness
Unusual or unexplained fatigue
For more information follow this link:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/heart-attack/DS00094/DSECTION=symptoms
@Copyright 2010, Cindy Lou Hodges All Rights Reserved.
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